Hey readers, it’s co-editor Gail. It’s been about five months since all this Coronavirus business started, and I know the many changes to our lives it has caused have been difficult for everyone. As things have slowly been opening up, there has been much debate about mask wearing. A LOT of our fellow Americans view it as an infringement of their rights or oppression and I get it, that’s an awful way to feel. But I don’t think those who believe that have considered other good reasons to wear a mask that have nothing to do with avoiding spreading Covid-19 to everyone around you including your loved ones. So I racked my brain for the top ten best reasons you should be wearing a mask even if you don’t care about other people.
- Eyes are the Windows to the Soul!
The most immediate obvious visual about wearing a mask is that people are only going to see the top half of your face. While I firmly believe that all lower halves of faces are beautiful, I have to admit it’s been nice not to have to worry about any areas or blemishes in that region I may still have insecurities about. Whenever I do have to interact with someone outside, all I can see is their eyes and all they can see are mine. This new forced eye contact is really making us truly SEE each other for the first time. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and now when we go to the grocery store or the pharmacy or heck Disney World! We are staring into the very souls of those we get near. It’s romantic really. And the fact that we can’t see each other’s mouth and chins adds a sort of Phantom of the Opera mystique.
2. Display Your Interests!
One super fun thing I think people forget about their mask is that they don’t have to be blank! Think of your mask as a moving billboard on your face advertising your favorite things or just your general vibe and personality. Search the interwebs for maks that have your most beloved franchises or designs that express your aura. You can even get DIY if you want! Bedazzle and dye that mask! Add some glitter, sequins, feathers or dangly charms! Make it match your cutest outfit! The possibilities are endless!
3. Instant Breath Fog!
If you are a glasses wearer like me or want to rock some sweet summer shades, something you may have experienced with your mask is those glasses and shades fogging up when you breathe. While it is easy to see this as an annoyance, it is really a power that you can control and harness for your own benefit! Don’t want anyone looking into your previously mentioned soul? Fog it up! See something that is just an eyesore? Fog it up! Reading a news article reporting evidence on how the Trump administration completely failed and continues to fail to properly contain the virus and provide American people and institutions the resources they need to function and survive? FOG. IT. UP.
4. Pretend You’re One of Those Avenger Guys!
Those Superhero movies sure are popular. Everyone loves Spiderman, Deadpool, Iron Man, Antman etc. and wishes they could be them. Well with your mask you kind of can! Spidey swings all over his dang city with a mask on saving innocent people. While you don’t have “Spidey sense” I would hope you do have common sense. So the next time you go to get your curbside pick up, think of yourself as your own Marvel (or D.C.) OC on a very special important mission to recover world saving assets. And it’s not just a fantasy, wearing that mask is keeping your city or town safe.
5. Stonks!
Think of all that cold hard cash you are going to save on makeup and other facial treatments! Your mouth and chin are covered and you will rarely need to put anything on at home. Your lipsticks, blushes, highlighters, concealers etc. are going to last you longer than you could have ever expected when you purchased them in the before times. That is money in your bank my friend! Sure you’re now going to be spending money on masks, but hey you gotta spend money to make money babey! STONKS!
6. Ear Cozies!
Everyone knows that the back of the ears is a sensitive area of the body that needs constant TLC. Thanks to this new need for masks, we now will have cozy little straps back there when we go out and brave the elements. As the summer rolls on, these straps will act like sweatbands for those lil’ athletes on the side of your head. Sure, it may chafe, but you know what they say, no pain, no gain! If this virus continues into the winter months, that extra little bit of fabric will keep your ear-head connection nice and toasty under your beanie and or muffs!
7. Nose Camping!
This pandemic has sure been giving us cabin fever. I bet many of you have been missing nature and the wilderness. Maybe you were planning a camping trip before this all went down that you had to cancel. Well you know what’s always pitching a tent outside? Your nose underneath your mask! The human nose is truly natures triangle and when you cover that sniffer with cloth, a perfect miniature campers experience is formed on your face for all the little microorganisms on your skin. Think about all the fun they must be having! Just be glad they haven’t discovered fire!
8. Mouth Sauna!
While staying at home all this time has been boring, it has also been super stressful worrying about food, rent, politics and whether or not I even have a future anymore. I sure wish I could get to a nice, relaxing spa. Well, just below the campgrounds under my mask, there’s my very own mouth sauna! A lippy sweat lodge! A mastication steam room! Just feel all those toxins melting away so far Britney Spears will never get addicted to you. Enjoy a rejuvenated orifice after every outing!
9. Get Away with ALL the Swears!
Yet another wonderful benefit of no one being able to see your mouth is that no one knows what you’re doing with it under there. They can’t tell if your smiling, frowning or making some other weird face, so they definitely won’t be able to tell if your mouthing some naughty words. You can do all the curses you want in public and no one will ever know. Even in you accidentally say it out loud, how will they prove it was you? They probably don’t know you well enough to recognize your voice. Blame it on some other guy. Blame it on a nearby child. Blame it on a dog!
10. Protect Yourself!
What could be more best for your self interest than to wear a mask to protect yourself from Covid-19? There’s no shame is self-preservation. You know deep down you don’t want to get sick. It’s a painful, gross and miserable experience and this Coronavirus is even deadly. You should be doing everything you can to keep yourself healthy and safe from infection including wearing a mask. If you are worried if by doing so you will be joining the flock of snowflake sheep but don’t think of it that way! You are an original! There’s only one you and while many people around you are wearing masks, you are each exercising your great American individualism! So, if you’re wearing a mask and so is someone near you, it’s your respective daring and rugged distinctiveness that’s saving each of your totally separate lives. Imagine if everyone put in the effort to wear a mask and save themselves. We might just end up saving each other!
I hope I have been able to convince you with one or more of these excellent reasons to slap that piece fabric on your adorable punim. We at Crow Name hope you all are well and if you or anyone you know is in need of healing, we wish you a smooth recovery.
-Gail
Gail Bello is a poet and playwright from Waltham, Massachusetts. She graduated in 2019 with a BFA in Creative Writing and a minor in Theatre from The University of Maine at Farmington. Find her previous publications at https://thaumaturgedramaturge.wordpress.com and follow her on Twitter @AquajadeGail