Hello Readers! It’s Co-editor Gail again with another holiday related blog.
I am writing this the day before Thanksgiving 2020. A holiday that in recent years, hasn’t been entirely consistent for me in terms of setting, but it has always been filled with family and food. I am also well aware of the problematic revisionist history it is based on and without ignoring the holiday’s messed up origins, I try to view the day as a mindful 24 hours to give thanks in general for the good things in my life.
But this year in particular, where because of the pandemic the festivities are going to be small and at home, feeling thankful for the good in a time when things are so bad for myself, and even worse for others, at best just feels like bragging about privilege and at worst, schadenfreude.
This made me question if it is even possible to be thankful in 2020? Let’s start with some examples of what I would be thankful for if this year wasn’t so irregular:
- I am thankful for the good health of myself and my loved ones
- I am thankful for the existence of those loved ones in my life and the support they give me.
- I am thankful that I have shelter, food, water and clothing.
- I am thankful that while often imperfect, I have healthcare coverage.
Most of these things have unfortunately always been privileges in American society and as my politics have gotten more progressive over time, it feels strange to be celebrating what I have knowing far too many other folks have not. Especially this year when millions have only recently lost or are on the brink of losing these things from people being out of work and or experiencing death(s) in their family due to covid.
So am/can I be thankful this year?
To further parse out my thoughts about this, I went to the dictionary.
Thankful is defined as “pleased and relieved”.
While I guess I am pleased and most definitely relieved for everything I listed above, this definition still gives me the “thank goodness the bad thing is not happening to me” vibe that I want to avoid.
Okay so, if I’m not thankful, what am I? Am I grateful? Is that different?
Grateful is defined as “showing appreciation of kindness”.
Of course often I try to show appreciation for all of these things, but my ultimate goal is to find a way to care about the good things in my life in a way that isn’t performative.
The final word that came to mind was “cherish” a feeling I try to be conscious of during special occasions.
Cherish is defined as “to hold or treat as dear”.
Now this is a sentiment I can get behind. It’s not about being relieved that I didn’t get the short end of the stick, nor is it a performance of appreciation.
It’s quietly and personally taking time to clutch and cradle these spots of light in my heart and hug them tight.
It’s acknowledging how precious it all really is without a winner-loser dynamic
2020 has taken a lot from us, but I wish you all a happy Turkey Day and hope the things you cherish continue to grow and fill you with warmth.
While this post about questioning the word “thankful”, I would like to thank you for reading and share with you this song from the Broadway cast recording of Jagged Little Pill.
Gail Bello is a poet and playwright from Waltham, Massachusetts. She graduated in 2019 with a BFA in Creative Writing and a minor in Theatre from The University of Maine at Farmington. Find her previous publications at https://thaumaturgedramaturge.wordpress.com and follow her on Twitter @AquajadeGail